When There's Nothing Left to Burn, You Have to Set Yourself on Fire

Warning: This post is going to be very scatterbrained.

I've been in a creative mood lately, as far as writing goes. The one thing that always bugs me though is that everything I write, especially poetry-type pieces, turn out really dark. Almost disgustingly so... I need to work on that

Homecoming is soon, and i'm super excited to dance! :D

Piper recently wrote an amazing little post. I really wish I had her skill at writing, the words just flow together into this beautiful sentences and ideas. The first time I read it, to be honest, i got a little teary eyed (I rarely use this phrase. I dislike it, especially when used untruthfully orrrr... This is turning into a rant. haha. I'm also being hyper-critical. moving on).

Demi also wrote a wonderful little bit. Those two are like the dynamic duo, I can certainly see why they're best friends.

Tyler needs to blog more :P haha

First concert was today. It went pretty well! I love being in a huge orchestra playing great pieces, there's something special about it. We received our Costume Concert music today too, which we perform next tuesday. Yet again, A Night on Bald Mountain returns

There's a very useful site out there for checking answers to science or math things, or just looking up info! Wolframalpha.com. It's sooo helpful

I can never be asleep by the time I want to. Today, I said I'd be asleep by 1030. It's 11:45 now haha. I need to work on that

This post is going to stop now. Sorry for such randomness, i promise more consistency in the future. Until then!

Blank pages

Egg Sandwiches. That's the smell that currently dominates the room. It's becoming a frequent occurrence for my roommate to eat them, sometimes while watching the newest episode of the Jersey Shore.

My other roommate went to bed last night after 5am. He stayed up playing a game called Civilization 5 I think.... He didn't wake up until an hour or two ago.

Dorm life is interesting.

You find ways to get along with people that you would never be friends with in other situations. You also discover a large amount of people have some similar interests and can be great friends, despite large differences.

There's been quite a lot of drama this weekend around CWU. The most well known being the party in Roslyn that made the news on CNN. The university isn't telling us exactly what happened, but what i've picked up from news sources (although they've been claimed to have some false information) is that about 12 students were hospitalized and one was in critical condition as a result of bad drugs, specifically Roofies, that had not only been slipped into the alcohol, but the water as well. There are other claims of what was discovered by the police when they arrived, but I don't know how many of those to trust. The dorms across campus had meetings to warn everyone and relay the university's statements on the matter, although i'm sure some people won't listen. On another note, i'm not really sure why such large news stations as CNN decided to take notice. Sure, it's a big deal with drugs and underage drinking, but i've heard about plenty of them on other campuses that got out of hand. I guess they just got caught

Also this weekend, there was a carload of friends of mine who were going to a rave up in Seattle. On the way back to Central, at around 3:30 or 4am, their car hydroplaned on the freeway and crashed into a guardrail. Everyone in the car is fine now, only the one in the passenger seat was injured enough to need a blood transfusion and stitches. It was no fault of the driver's at all really. I guess it's just a warning to be careful driving over and back.

I'm starting to worry about the driving through the passes in a few weeks, as I'm not sure how bad they'll be this year. I hear Ellensburg is supposed to get more precipitation than they've had in a long while, and i'm not really sure how well equipped my car is to drive in snowy conditions. Let's just hope it holds off for another month or so!

I'm back next weekend for a few days! Mainly to pick up my tux for the concert on Sunday (yeah, they gave us less than three weeks), although there may be some other forces drawing me back... haha

I wish the best to those who care enough to read this! You're all brilliant

I'd do it all for you

It's really quiet amazing- how the first time you listen to a song, you could be completely indifferent towards it. You could even detest it, or you could hate one specific part of it. And yet when you listen to it a second, and then third time, it begins to grow on you. You start to find the little quirks in the melody that makes it unique, and you begin to love it. I happened to me recently with the song Guns and Horses by Ellie Goulding (She's a little tiny bit reminiscent of Taylor Swift, also much pop-ier and more upbeat. And from the UK). I sorta liked it the first time through. Not iPod worthy or anything. But i listened to it again and i found i really enjoyed it. I feel like it's times like this where we begin to expand our music tastes, and grow into completely new areas. Like how you listen to music now that you could've never seen yourself listening to in a million years back in 8th grade. Yeah...

Into the rabbit hole

So. Friday I left for college orientation. Set up my room, which is actually fairly nice, especially compared to a few of my friends' dorm rooms, and met a few new people. We don't officially start classes until next wednesday, but until then they have plenty of scheduled activities for us- some required and some not. I'm hoping once classes start, i can get a chance to meet a bunch of new people.

Being so close to home, there's going to be a few people i know of course. I've met up with some old school and symphony friends here, and we've been having fun. I just really want things to start picking up the pace though! Haha although it's only been a day...

I miss everyone at home a lot. Having all of these mostly new people around seems kind of foreign and sometimes i find myself longing for the familiarity of friends and family. Those with whom i know what to discuss, with whom i can laugh endlessly with, with whom I feel at home. I look at my class schedule and see this giant blank gap from Friday at 10am until Monday at 9, and i'm compelled to plan trips back home, even though i know i need to stay here and explore the area and the people. I've already planned some weekends i'll be back for certain events here and there, but i'm going to try and do my best to stay east of the mountains the rest of the time...

I've been getting pretty nervous about auditions for Orchestra. Our auditions are on Wednesday, but while most of the students have had since the end of august to prepare, the orchestra teacher didn't include me in the list.... So i've only had the music for about a week now. He has us playing a bunch of different sections from Beethoven's 5th symphony, one that's far overplayed in my opinion... at least the first movement.

Anyway, this has been a rambling post. I promise something more interesting next time.... maybe
Now to practice and mingle!

The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades is Out to Get Us

I seem to have this habit of being inspired at 2 or 3 am and writing short stories based off of songs. So this time it was a Sufjan Stevens song, one of my favorites. Here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRW2g2l49fk

I'm not sure how i feel about this one yet. It has a few things going for it, but generally I think my first one was better. Here it goes~

The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades is Out to Get Us

            It’s deep winter and the snowstorm has created a dark frost over the window.  I’ve been thinking a lot recently, thinking outrageously. I sit here now writing this letter in cursive to you, knowing this recollection will never find your hands. The cold has spread throughout the house and as I write here, wearing three layers of coats and leg warmers, I am reminded of you and that night we were together. The storm carried the same cold, but here it is not your breath I see on the face of the door, but my own. I can no longer seem to grown warm.

            I remember staying awake that night, not quite sleeping, but pretending to, laying fast in bed. Watching that storm grow out the window, I remember seeing the wasp, wings outstretched, creeping along the bedroom wall just above your headboard. You shuffled in your sleep, and eventually the wasp disappeared into the darkness of the storm.

            The next day, the storm calmed and we took a trip north of Savanna- to the palisades. We fooled around the whole way, as best friends do, sharing our love for each other in our laughter and energy. On a dare you stripped naked and ran splashing into the freezing water; I followed shortly behind. The water bit, but the thrill was exhilarating. Racing back to the car to dry ourselves, I remember my brother’s red hat catching the wind- but you were there to save it, and I came out wearing it.

             I remember suddenly growing jealous of you, and all of my old memories returned, and I despised myself for it. The wasp reappeared, floating down through the frost and stung you seven times there on the shoulder, close to the heart. You ran off to the car, washing your face in your hands with your tears. 

            I’ve never felt worse about any time of my life.

            I’d only meant to tease you; I never intended harm. I ran after you and tried to soften the wasp stings, but to no avail. For I saw the wasp sitting on the length of my arm.

            We’ve seen so many things together dear friend, throughout this state and beyond. So many that they start to become a blur. Wonders bright, and rivers, lakes. The Trail of Tears, and Horseshoe Lake. Back then we trusted things beyond mistake. But this was a mistake that could not be taken back despite my efforts.

            We were in love then, innocent youthful love. That day at the palisades haunts me, replaying in my memory too often to function normally… Even now I wait. I tell myself I can wait just a bit longer, I can wait. Oh, Lamb of God, we chased after you that night, sounding the horn. Now all of you that we find is the ghost that was born within ourselves.

            I can’t explain the state that I’m in, the state of my heart. You were my best friend. At the palisades, we climbed into the car from the backseat and I found such admiration in falling asleep, forgetting the wasp and just being with you…

            All of my powers, day after day, are spent regretting everything, all those times the wasp appeared. For I can tell you, every time she did, we swaggered and swayed. I’ve tried throughout my life to lock away these memories and regrets deep in the tower of my mind, the free and beautiful prairies below. But they were never contained. I can tell you, the telling gets old.

            Finally, that last night during the worst leg of that storm, the sting was too strong. We’ve created all these memories throughout our lives- I can tell you the day we were born. But now, my friend, you’re gone. You ran away into that terrible storm. Despite all of our efforts, we couldn’t find you in that darkness and cold. We lost you. But I can tell you, I still love you each day. Though we have sparred, wrestled and raged, I can honestly tell you that I love you each day.

            That terrible sting, that terrible storm. I can tell you….. The predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us.

            I miss you now more than ever. Sometimes I still expect you to come running out to greet me from the woods, saved from the frost. There isn’t a day that passes that I don’t love and miss you. There isn’t a day that passes that I don’t regret my part in your flight.

            I wish I could take everything back. I suppose that’s the point of this letter- some way to trap my conscience and memories in the prison of paper and ink. I would give up my life to just bring you back again. But, alas, that is not possible.

            Or maybe I thought writing it out would somehow bring you back, move the ghost inside me to come out of hiding and find your body.

            I doubt either will work.

            I love you. I miss you. Beyond words. But I guess I will have to wait until it is our time again. The time of friends. The time of death. The time of reunion…

            The time of love.