She was always a bit of a mystery. That girl, the stand partner of one of my best symphony friends. Yeah, the one with the long hair. Getting really into her playing.
I have no idea how she wormed her way into our little group of friends. But she did it. And now i couldn't ever imagine if she hadn't. Of course, the first full and heartfelt conversation I shared with her was about Sufjan. Initially, I thought she was talking about some guy in her class that wrote weird songs about Night Zombies. Until she talked about John Wayne Gacy Jr., the song I was most familiar with then. We survived that muggy, theory-filled week together.
I only saw her once more that summer. It was sort of an odd meeting - my old stand partner and I met up and then visited Piper at the shaved ice stand, where her parents urged her to go and socialize with her friends, and to not worry about them at the stand. Always the worrier. We walked and talked and laughed with the utmost joy. I gave her a cd with some random music i thought she would like, mainly based on Sufjan. It took at least a few months for her to listen to it, i'm sure.
And then, suddenly, it was time for camp. And it was like there had never been almost a year's gap since we last met. Laughing and frantic socializing occurred, when she wasn't too busy being alone in a practice room. Not eating (She never eats). I tried to hide it the very best I could, but i desperately wanted to be around her whenever possible. It was like being in her presence was an automatic rush of happiness, and i felt like we were somehow (foolishly so, since I'd had very little contact with her) connected - as if we knew each other, and could laugh forever. She brought a friend that year too.
Silly Logan.
We kept in a bit better contact after that. Emails and whatnot. But suddenly, I'd found someone. And surprisingly (or maybe not so), he knew this girl! And had known her for years! When the conversation between us began to slow, we'd just mention her, and suddenly we'd have an amazing long conversation. Even when i'm not in her company, simple talk of her can't help but make me happier.
And suddenly, I saw her all the time.
My world began to be filled with "Sufjan!", "Holy Fuck!", and "I'm really, really sorry you guys. Like so, so, so very sorry!". She very much likes to apologize, even for the little things, as if she's worried it may be something that will deeply upset you. Yet, every time she tried to apologize profusely, I can't help from smile, even grin. Because I know how all of her nervousness before a performance, and all of her worry of upsetting someone, comes from the most honest place in her heart. Because she doesn't want to let you down, no matter what. It's not that she really cares what other people think, but rather keeping the things she loves from being hurt, or disappointed.
And every time she curses, I can't stop myself from giggling, or even full out laughing. Because such strong language is a very interesting contrast for such an amazingly sweet girl. And every time she swears, it is So Goddamned Funny! She always knows what to say to make the mood lighter, or the exact time to say some funny remark. She has impeccable comedic timing.
When i'm around her, I can never help but be in the best of moods. She carries with her this amazingly strong aura of warmth and love and honesty. And when she's sad, or under the weather, or worried, sometimes your heart just breaks a little bit. Not because you're disappointed that the happy side isn't there. Not at all. But rather, because it hurts to see such an amazing person be anything less than the happiest she can be.
And then, we embarked on a wild and epic near 100 hour long trip. It was an amazing trip. A perfect trip. I could never, and would never, change a single thing about it.
And there's only two things I can say:
"With that robe, and those glasses, you'd make a perfect psychiatrist"
"Well shit, when my shoes are off, I fly!"
Sorry about the novel. Though it barely conveys half of what I feel.
I love you :)
No comments:
Post a Comment