There's Only Two Words.

Buzzbuzz. I have a text.

He's the first one in my mind. There's this overwhelming desire that it is him, and not someone else, responding to me. I take my phone out swiftly and and my heart dips a little to see that it is in fact, not him yet. I choose not to respond, so that i'll know for sure the next time. So that the elation stays around when i see who the text is from.

It all started with the eyes.... How i remember it anyway. Apparently he said something to me in the hallway after taking a break from dancing. I don't recall that though. I remember talking to a friend of mine and suddenly looking to my left and locking eyes with him. There was really nothing prompting it, except that maybe we were subconsciously guided to where we needed to go. At first i didn't give it any weight. He came over towards the end and danced with the group I was with, and i brushed it off as coincidence that he reappeared, though i later found out that it was definitely on purpose.

Fast forward to a week later, and i'm hanging out with two friends of mine. One of them is on facebook, and suddenly, he's posted something. My other friend said something about how he was at the Annie Wright dance a week ago. Foolishly, i only took mild notice of this. Until later that night, when i was browsing facebook... his name appeared in my head. And something compelled me to add him - even though we barely interacted and i doubted he would remember me. It was as if, despite my foolish actions, something drove me to him.

He accepted.

And the next night, he talked to me.

And suddenly, we were texting.

And two weeks later, we sat together, alone for the first time, in the Old Town Starbucks. I'd never actually been on a date before then. In my head, i'd pictured it being awkward and embarrassing, constantly doubting every word and every action. But it felt so right. And we walked. And talked. And sat, and got cold. And trespassed (technically). I left feeling a surge of energy and happiness that I didn't really understand.

And then there was Babies. And Piper. And Sufjan Stevens (of course). And the four, mixed with a few other (at the time, less important) variables, made an amazing day. And there were hands, held together with excitement, intrigue, and nervousness.

And there was the waterfront, being showered in the late-spring rain. We sat in the car for a couple hours, talking. It always seemed so easy. So freeing. So right. Just to be around him. Silences were few and far between, and conversations would roll into each other with the transition of his heart-warming, infectious laugh. His sentences were filled with such excitement - about the seemingly mundane that carried such life for him. And about the living that carried such freedom and joy. His sentences were filled with the joy of being alive.

And then it was official.

And all summer, it was rare if we weren't seen together more than twice a week. I found that when i was away from him, my life became a little more empty. A little more less purposeful. So i stayed as close as I could.

And then one week, i didn't have to leave him. No less than 100 hours together. And they couldn't have been more perfect. Staying up late into the night while the others slept, just to talk and explore each other's past and present. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but "they" lie. Nearness makes the heart grow fonder. Absence makes the heart ache.

There is one person in this world who can control how i feel - without doing anything, or saying anything - but just by being. He can make me laugh uncontrollably, and sometimes without reason. He can make me smile so much it's painful. He can make me cry with joy at night without doing anything, but simply from knowing that he's mine.

That infectious laugh that always makes Demi say "Tyyler!! Haha!". That shine in his eye when he talks about where he's going in life. That smile that he can give away to anyone for nothing in return. That sheer adorableness that can't even be put into words. That fake sad face and voice he gets when he's trying to convince me to do something. His crazy over-empathizing. His random spanish phrases he uses in the middle of a conversation (This also can be filed with the adorableness).

I'd spent a lot of time wondering about what i would do if i did have someone like him. Would i eventually tell my parents? Or would i keep it from them? Would i tell lots of people? Or only a few? What would we do, where would we go, who would we see?

But, from the very point I sat down in that coffee shop, I suddenly forgot all of those questions. They didn't matter. Let whomever know. Let them say what they want. And who cares what we do, where we go, and who we see? As long as i could do all these things with him, nothing else in the world mattered to me.



Words keep coming and going. They appear in my head as i write them down, or they disappear before they can be captured into a sentence. No matter how hard I might try, a majority of what i want to say escapes me when i go to type it. I'm sure i've missed more than one topic. For instance, his inescapable kindness. How he could never imagine paining another person, and goes out of his way to make someone's day a little better, even if it's just with his perfect smile. And there it is. One of the only words that can truly show you a glimpse of the man. And even then, it's a flawed word. Nothing truly captures him. But there are two words that come close, used either together or separately, to describing him.

Perfect.
Love.


Buzzbuzz. I have a text. This time, I know who it is. And nothing can contain me.