This Autumn Mind

I thought I'd see your face by now. It's been so long, I hardly even remember it. Parts of you are still here though - the little freckle by your nose, the way your cheeks crumple when you smile, the way your eyes can pierce through a soul. Sometimes, I imagine that you're here next to me holding my hand, and it's almost like I can feel it. Like some piece of you has traveled all this way to me just to hold my hand while I cry at my favorite movie, and drift off to the whispers of Frank Sinatra and Julie London.

I still have those records you lent me, by the way. They're perched on the highest shelf, next to the feathers and flowers from so long ago. I've deemed it my shelf of remembrance. I catch myself quite often peering off into the distance beyond this little corner, caught in a stream of Nostalgia. Surely you remember those days - the ones filled with rose petals on water and stick races beneath the bridge. Those glorious days in the age of the Sun.

It's late autumn now, and those feeble leaves that cling so desperately to their branches are doomed to fall. I'm sure you're aware of this, being as perceptive as you are. We used to lay under such trees, watching the hours pass until the fateful moments when the leaves would let go and float down to their final resting place. I always knew I was one of those leaves.

We spend so much of our lives just passing time, in order to forget how fast time is passing. For now, the leaves are falling, and the trees are losing those most dear to them, and the world is going silent. But just wait a few moments. You'll find the sounds of life begin to return. You'll find the grass discover it's rich color. And you'll see the trees regain their lost friends.

I know I'll see your face soon. I'll see that little freckle, smile at your crumpling cheeks, and be pierced once again by those wondrous eyes. You see, i'm just getting caught up in this Autumn mind, and soon enough I'll discover the glory that rests in the depths of the mind of Spring. I'll feel the warmth of your hands once again, this I know for sure.

But for now, I'll settle for those moments of Nostalgia. They'll keep me warm while I wait.

Winter Madness

Winter is a time of stress.

For the High School seniors, it's time for college apps. Getting those letters of recommendation, finding the schools you like, figuring out what you want to do with your life, and (maybe hardest of all) writing your personal statement.

For the college sophomore who is applying to transfer, there's all of this plus a few extra essays and reports to send in, as well as current year classes to figure out. (How do I finish my basic requirements? Should I take overload credits to do photography or would that be suicide? And if I do take it, should I take the 8am math class to accommodate it, or let the two classes cut half an hour out of each other twice a week? Should I take the 183 level chemistry, even though I haven't been in chem for two years, or would that also be suicide? There's been more of these questions in the last few hours than I'd ever imagined were possible)

For those with seasonal depression, well.... they're not exactly happy about these coming months.

Then there's the burden of the consumer nature that Christmas has adopted, buying just the right gift for the right person, in some cases spending money you really shouldn't be spending. Maybe I'll be more creative this year...

It seems rather contradictory that such a seemingly calm season should be so hectic. The thought of slowly falling snow late at night, the soft chill of the winter breeze, bundling up in blankets and sweaters in a warm house, maybe even next to a fire. It's such a relaxing thought. And the music that I relate to winter (besides holiday music) has such a calming, quiet nature- the kind of song you might fall asleep to, or contemplate the world while listening to.

And yet, in reality there's people working hard, fretting about the future, and generally being driven insane by the world and christmas music. There are long shopping trips and worrying that you haven't gotten that person a gift yet. There's just general worrying!

So, I give you a task for this winter. During a time you're feeling especially stressed, or get caught up with tons work, or you're starting to go insane - Stop. Take a break and grab your iPod. Gear up in your warmest winter clothes. Put on the most peaceful playlist you may have ever created, and take a walk. Venture out into the world. Forget all your worries- forget even that you have an existence besides in that moment.

Let Winter take you away, if only for a little while.

And At Once I Knew

I just wanted to take a moment to show you this. Below is a music video for Bon Iver's song Holocene. I honestly think it's the only music video I've ever seen where the beauty of the video is perfectly translated from the beauty in the song. They both feel so wondrous, and so lonely. It gives that feeling where you're not sure if you should smile at it's perfectness or cry at it's sadness and honesty. And the lyrics... "And at once I knew, I was not magnificent..."

I simply cannot describe my feelings. So instead, I'll show you:

Also, I want his sweater really badly.